View Full Version : APHIS and... well...

07-21-2015, 09:29 AM
This one didn't happen to me, personally, although I kinda wish it had...

One of my good friends got to the SJO airport for his flight home, and things went a bit too quickly and smoothly. As he walked out of the security check area into the secure concourse, he looked at his watch and said, "Dammit! I've still got more than 2 Hours to Kill!" He couldn't think of anything else to do, so he just started walked up and down the concourse. There was a girl standing outside of one of the duty-free shops with a bottle of perfume, trying to spray it on passers-by, as they often do.

About the third time my buddy passed the girl, she said, "You keep walking by." He answered, "Yeah. I still have more than 90 minutes before my flight." She said, "Well, maybe you should step inside our store. Look... try this [sprays some of perfume on the guy's arm]. Maybe your girlfriend would like some."

He: I don't have a girlfriend.

She: Oh...


Long story short... he's a much better player than I am, so... apparently... about 10 minutes later, he had this poor girl back in the employees' restroom with her ankles pinned behind her ears. As he told me later, "She was pretty hot, Speedy1, but she must have already been working all day, because that was some NASTY-smelling Pussy! Ahhh! It was still a lot of fun, and she WAS hot!"

So... then the guy flies back to the USA. I forget where... Miami, Atlanta, Houston, whatever... the guy flies all over the place... I can't keep track.

He clears Immigration/Passport Control, then goes to baggage claim. He grabs his bag, and starts walking towards the Customs exit.

About that time, APHIS shows up. It's a 30-ish girl (cute, my friend said) with a beagle. The beagle sniffs around his bag for a few seconds, then... sniffs the air for a moment... then jams its snout right up into my buddy's fun park. The dog begins "woof-woofing" and howling a little bit. The girl says, "Are you hiding something in your pants that you shouldn't be hiding?"

He: Ummm... Heh (trying not to laugh at the innuendo)... no. I swear I don't have anything illegal on me.

[the dog continues to be extremely interested]

She: Look... It's my job. The dog definitely smells something. We have to search you. Don't worry, though. I'll get a male inspector for you. [she starts to call for another officer on her radio]

He: OK... look. Whether it's with you or a guy, this is going to be embarrassing. I know what your dog smells, if you want to skip the trouble of an inspection.

She: OK... What is it?

He: Well... I just flew in from Costa Rica, and you'll never guess what happened in the airport while I was waiting for my flight...


He told me she was very calm, nodded her head a few times, and then said, "OK, you can go. I'd take some penicillin, if I were you."