View Full Version : Finding the Fives - A typical Expat Saturday Night

08-21-2012, 10:02 PM
I don't drink or do any drugs. Haven't in many years. As an expat in Costa Rica, that's highly unusual. What's most interesting about this is that I get to see the gradual decline of my buddies in the course of an evenings festivities through sober eyes.

What's hilarious about this is that many of my friends will argue with me about what exactly happened the night before, as if I was in the same extremely impaired condition and am working off the same battered memory cells they are.

So it's Saturday night, I've been putting together spread sheets all day and I need to get out of the house. I head downtown and the first stop, the Pirate Club. Pirate Club is one of the better deals in San Jose because of the consistent talent Ken manages to keep, and the reasonable price point. But on this Saturday night, the place is dead. A few girls walking around, and a few guys having drinks. This is the slow season, Ken told me some of the girls asked to leave because there were no clients. A couple girls had nice bodies, don't remember their names.


My buddy Sam calls me. Most of my nights out with Sam end in strange, funny stories the next day. With an emphasis on strange. Much of the time, Sam and I argue about what took place. Again, he forgets I was stone cold sober at the time.

So I meet Sam at the Rey and we do a few laps. This is a slow season Saturday night, and the Rey is slow even by slow season standards.

So Sam says "Let's get out of here and find the party". In Costa Rica, this phrase often precedes bribing cops, speaking to embassy staff through glass, or running from guys with guns.

First stop, Arcadas. Arcadas is a hit or miss spot next to Molina Rojo. Both are seedy places that you find yourself fastening the buttons on your pockets in. Arcadas had a procession of hounds.

Next stop, Molina Rojo. Like Arcadas, you can find the occasional hottie in here, but more often than not, you'll find butt ugly fat chics. True to form tonight.

Next stop, Margaritas. Sam loves this place. Some of the highest percentage of ugly per square foot can be found in Margaritas. This place was hideous. But as Sam got drunker, the more he felt at home here. I waited for him to finish his beer before dragging him out of there.


Next stop, Le Grillon. In all fairness, Le Grillon does a pretty good job of stocking their place with hot girls. But not tonight...

Next stop, VIP's. Vips is usually the hail-mary play. Most of the time, it's busted. Sometimes, you find a gem in there. There were 2 girls in the whole place. One was hideous, the other a 6.5. In a place that charges 11k colones, 6.5 is good. I almost pull, but don't want to leave Sam alone at the bar that long. So we leave.

Next stop, Bella Mansion. 2 ugly girls sitting alone, nothing to see here...

Next stop, Club Monaco. Club Monaco had 6-7 ugly girls, and 1 girl I'd rate a 7. She was talking to some locals at their table, so it didn't look like she could be pried away.

Next stop Nicole's. For some reason, Sam didn't like this place. It used to be something else, and he'd had a bad experience there, but couldn't quite remember what had happened. Just that he didn't like it.

As we walked up, we were practically gang rushed. This is the kind of confrontation you see when people have busted a bottle of champaigne over someone's head, and security is leading them out. But it seemed they were just trying to let us know there was a 4k colones cover (comes with 2 drinks) before we walked in. A strange way to start...

We paid the cover and went in. EUREKA! The place was loaded with solid talent. At least 6-7 girls I'd rate an 8 or better.

By this time, Sam was smashed. He somehow feels that because he's stepped foot in the place, he's obligated to have a drink or two. Many of these low end brothels are not what I'd call festive environments. Anyway, so this Dominican girl I'd rate a 6 cozied up to Sam while he's ordering his obligatory cocktail. At this point, Sam would have fucked a Lord of the Rings monster. I go around and start flirting. Man, these girls were a sight for sore eyes after the ugly festival we just went through.

Here's my problem with Nicole's. And I'm not talking about the silliness at the door as we walked in. It's that the rooms are wildly uncomfortable. They have tiny love seats in some rooms, and only chairs in others. Add to that, you only have 20 minutes before the cleaning lady knocks on the door, then opens the door while you're naked. I've pulled 3 girls in this place because they were too hot not to pull, only to not get a nut because I was having pretzel sex over a cheap chair and couldn't finish before the cleaning lady arrived for the live show.

Sam went upstairs with his new friend. So I went about getting numbers from some pretty girls. A few of them wanted to go upstairs, but let it go after I explained the shitty set up in the rooms.

This place could be amazing if they A. Got some sort of bed for the session, and B. Made it 30 minutes instead of 20. These are simple solutions from what I imagine, but the Costa Rica business model is never about solutions...

After about 40 minutes, I call Sam to make sure he's not involved with some kind of involuntary organ donor incident. I have this image in my head of him passed out on a sofa, with a group of girls cracking a bottle of Cristal on his tab as he sleeps his way into a $2,000 tab. He answers and says he's booked the girl for another hour. So I tell him I'm heading home for the night.

I get home around 2am, and check the site to do maintenance and approve registrations and delete spammer registrations. About 3am, he calls me and tells me he's on his way home. He also asks me if I'd borrowed any money from him, as he can't remember where he'd spent all the money he now doesn't have. I tell him I didn't borrow any money, and I can hear him thinking on the other end of the phone, trying to recall his steps...

Much of the brothel hopping in San Jose is just finding the five among the parade of 3's...

08-25-2012, 11:55 AM
Good read.

Admin 3
03-23-2013, 08:25 AM
Next stop, Margaritas. Sam loves this place. Some of the highest percentage of ugly per square foot can be found in Margaritas. This place was hideous. But as Sam got drunker, the more he felt at home here. I waited for him to finish his beer before dragging him out of there.

You just are not a fan of the Latina figure. There are some smokin hot Nicas that work at Margaritas. You know, reading this story again it seems I have a certain resemblance to Sam. Am I by chance Sam?